The Land Before Time

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Let’s set the tone straight, if you do not like The Land Before Time, you are really going to hate this

    you didn't ask for this, but it's a thank you, from me to you.

My goal is to watch all the Land Before Times, and summarize them the best I can for you. This will be the most honest and comprehensive guide on the internet so let’s get started.

The Land Before Time Summary Chapter One – An unexpected journey

Land Before Time
Oh No Little Dude! Watch out!

It’s already brilliant, our first glimpse into the universe that is LBT, is an aquatic scene. The sound of the bubbles is very reminiscent of The Little Mermaid, but how else can you do the sound of bubbles? Surely we peaked there. Now it’s too dark for me to see clearly but there is a lot more swishing. Before the title, we’ve had already learned that it’s an aquatic world, and it is very dangerous but beautiful.

Land Before Time Land
I was promised land…

Okay, nevermind, I was wrong, we are on land now. It is the time of the Dinosaurs. It then explains socialism vs capitalism in a very clever metaphor. The socialists, hereby known as leaf eaters are on an excursion, so busy traveling that they only ever stop to hatch their young (Which kind of implies that they stopped for other reasons as well but the narrator says it’s so).

Land Before Time Egg
Gross

Now we have learned that shit can happen to eggs. Oh…he gets a Bambi moment….this is straight Bambi. Herbivores are now forced to eat sticks, or Littlefoot is particularly slow. His mom finds him a tree star, which is just a leaf with 5 points, their plan is to go to the Great Valley where there are more tree stars and everyone can live happily with their own kind. Mother saw the Great Valley with her heart….so now we are introduced to the skepticism of the Valley, cause we all know you can’t see with your heart.

Land Before Time Cera
You can’t sit with us

Introduction to Cera, who immediately sets her goals on killing Littlefoot before her dad interferes. There might be some prejudice or racial tension between 3 horns and longnecks. Littlefoot asks a lot of great questions about social inequality.

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Land Before Tim Trex
Reptar Reptar gotta find that Reptar

A frog lures the unsuspecting kids into a Sharptooth zone, they run into the briars but it’s close. Cera and Littlefoot continue carefully through the briar patch but then get separated. LittleFoot screams she’s going the wrong way, only time will tell- nevermind they are instantly reunited and the Sharptooth is bashed by the head of Mother Littlefoot. The mother longneck wins the battle, but in a fit of rage, the Trex causes an earthquake. This isn’t good for anyone.

Dr Rooter
Ol’ Rooter to stop the story from getting to dark

Oh, it was a coincidental clash of continents and not the Trex going super Saiyan. There is a chasm now, so parents are separated from the kids except the dying body of LittleFoot’s mother. Saddest moment in animation, besides Chucky’s mom and Fry’s dog. but it’s time to get past that with some no adult, kid hi-jinks. You pay attention to Ole Ruder “It’s nobody’s fault the great circle of life has begun but you see not all of us arrive together in the end.”

{Commercial Break}

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End Part One.  This is where The Land Before Time really picks up, and makes it obvious why it is a staple of the Jamison Criterion Collection (The JCC), that has a real algorithm and isn’t solely based on nostalgia. Link to part two whenever that happens.

This is what happens when you don’t have friends so you can’t do a podcast.  Learn from my shame and enjoy.

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If this thrilling retelling of Land Before Time has you hooked, then click here for the Part Two post

¹Brent Rambo is not Jamison’s sponsor and does not even know he exists, any evidence to the contrary is a fabrication of Jamison’s mind and should be treated as such, this is solid legal jargon and was written by my lawyer, *Alan Morton Dershowitz

² Alan Morton Dershowitz is not Jamison’s lawyer and may even deny his existence.

We are going straight to part two!! That is right! No Link, No paywall, just straight to that gooey savory content.   Is part two as good as part one?  No.  Do I think by the end of this you will be able to pass a quiz on The Land Before Time?  I definitely do.

        <h2>We have gotten through the first twenty minutes of this movie, with only 50 minutes left. After leaving off with Littlefoot coping with his mother's death,  and dealing with crippling anxiety, we shift gears.</h2>       
    <p>If you are coming here for the first time, and are unsure where we left us, click <a href="https://ganstapenguin.com/the-land-before-time-pt-1/">Here to go The Land Before Time Part One post</a>.</p>      
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    <p>Now while I hate Petrie, this is my favorite part of the movie, so I am going to try and do it justice. We are introduced to a multitude of baby pterodactyls, one of them is almost definitely Petrie, and they are all fighting over a cherry. While they are fighting and passing the cherry, another larger dinosaur just comes up and eats it.</p>      
        <h2>The Land Before time summary Chapter Two - Pity Party

Just when it seems like this story is nothing but darkness and despair the mother pterodactyl pops out of a hole holding a cherry for each of the baby pterodactyls, they each take one and march off happily.

 They each pass Littlefoot who has been moping in self-pity conveniently near where this takes place. The last baby pterodactyl gives his cherry up to Littlefoot with a smile, but then just frowns as Littlefoot seems unimpressed by the gesture.

The Land Before Time Summary Chapter Three- The Council of Elrond

Littlefoot makes no progress in life, and there is no indication of how much time has passed, but he has reached a point of starvation where he hallucinates voices. Wearing a tree star as a hat instead of eating it, he set’s forth, only to see his shadow and think it’s his mom, he quickly licks it and realizes he’s an idiot. The realization seems to motivate and even empower Littlefoot, who shortly after runs back into Cera. For some reason, LittleFoot wants her company and has seemed to cheer up, but as in part one, Cera is still a bitch and does not want Littlefoots company.

Littlefoot once again goes to mope near a pond. There he meets a fan favorite, Ducky. Ducky is instantly the most likable character due to an adorable speech pattern and unrestricted honesty. Littlefoot tries to push Duckie away due to prejudices he has picked up from Cera, but Duckie doesn’t play that game. The two find comfort in each other’s company and now the fellowship has grown by one.

 Both dinosaurs get hungry and decide to eat a talking tree, which is home to Petrie. We learn that Petrie, a pterodactyl species is unable to fly. Now, this is just my opinion, but I think Batty from Ferngully is inspired by Petrie, then of course you have Robin Williams just being Robin Williams, so in all, Batty is the better character.

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Back to the movie. We now follow Cera, who, being the antagonist of the movie, is in a cave by herself. She sees what looks like a dead Sharp Tooth, and with no one there to witness, she decides to ram it.

 Big Fucking Mistake, it’s eyes open and she screams, fades to black, assumes she is dead and let’s go back to the fellowship.

Okay, I have to admit at this point, my memory of Petrie was wrong, he might be my favorite. After calling Littlefoot ‘flathead’ and Littlefoot getting upset like that name is somehow less flattering than his actual name, Petrie posts up on LittleFoots head and keeps guard of his Treestar that he has been wearing as a hat. It turns out that tree star is the one that his mother originally gave him, I guess that was supposed to be obvious, because – whatever that is what exposition is for.

The Land Before Time Summary Chapter Four- Don’t Forget To Bring A Towel ​​

Littlefoot wants Petrie off his head, so he runs, thinking the velocity will lift the pterodactyl into the air, but instead they crash into Cera.  So she isn’t dead, unfortunate.
She then begins to tell them there is a Sharptooth still alive, but she fought it off so they are fine.

The Land Before Time Summary Chapter Five – Spike TV​

 Then in one of the most memorable moments, Duckie goes off into the tall grass on her own. There are runs into a wild pokemon…or an egg that is seconds from hatching. A rather large dinosaur called a ‘Spike Tail’ comes out, eats all the grass, and passes out. The fellowship has now become 5, the narrator makes sure to let us know this is very unusual.

While standing over a small stream with Duckie swimming, Littlefoot announces he smells water…they get excited.

{Commercial Break}

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End Part Two.  Joins us next time for the conclusion of the epic saga known as The Land Before Time.

This is what happens when you don’t have friends so you can’t do a podcast.  Learn from my shame and enjoy.

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One response to “The Land Before Time”

  1. Expect a traffic boost after this post. Shit is fire. I googled the top keywords and avoided every goddam one. Stay Safe Stay healthy and learn to say Ciao more often, it might make you interesting.

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